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Not for the Impatient!

Nigerian Babes Abroad....
A writing of some depressed and deranged Nigerian, who was fed up with life. Misses his chick and finally realizes her worth. I hope u see art in its unconventionality and take a stern look at the points made...


Rhetoric: Naija babes in the US

Why is it that Naija babes abroad go through so much change that they forget their home grown values?
Hold up! Wait a minute. You wanted to say Not u right?
Take a minute to think...

Why is it that Naija babes abroad dont respect the average Naija man?
They feel they have had enough of them in Nigeria and they dont need a scrub like him anymore.
Why is it that I cant see a downright babe that will say "Thats my man". Instead of "thats my boo"
Why is it that I cant find a Yale Law School graduate that can cook Iyan so well' Ill ask for more? The ones that can cook cant cook Iyan at all. I cant go through the process of pounding" she says and hands me sandwich! Sand wetin?
Or I cant find one that can cook Amala and Ewedu* [flakes] like her dad had a cassava plantation in Ota and Owerri. Or I meet the ones with amala on one side, lumps on the other. U know the kind of amala I mean, the one dem dey call amala feli feli. Wey go hot ur stomach with hot pepper, na water I go use rough am. That special Amala that cuts like a hot knife thru butter and cheese... Ehn? Eat her amala and begin to sweat profusely...
Why cant I find that Naija babe that comes to me and says, "Darling can I have ur car keys, I dont want to drive my car. Besides, its faulty." And I say pick it up its on my table. While I meet those ones that just shout "Where are your car keys boo?
The one that says "My man" instead of "him"?
One who looks at me and appreciates my looks not just my credit report...
The babe thats proud to say " My man looks dressed up ready and darn hot! Can I hook up your tie for you lovely?" I am stuck with the one that says sarcastically "Someone looks dressed up today? Whats the occasion? Your funeral?
Or I meet the beauty that wakes me up with a friendly peck. "Rise and shine hunnie" not the "Its Monday morning and you are still in bed... All your mates are working?
U still dont feel me?
The one I take home to mum, and she kneels down on her two's despite the inconvenience and her not being used to it. And says Good day ma" With respect emphasizing her words. Not the one that stretches a nail fixed hand and says "Mummy hi" The one my mom sees on sight and raises praises, not the one my mom will ask where is she from. And sighs... "Ki lo de? O o tun ri omo .gidi wale?* [What is wrong, you didnt even see a good girl to bring home?]
Here am I stuck with a babe that listens to Rock music when I want one that can sing "Konko Below." The one that continues to sing Femi Kuti's "Beng Beng Beng" lyrics like its her national anthem when we are doing it. Ehn?
The one that uses a blender but on special days prefers to grind with her hand because she knows he loves that distinct taste. The one who is called the lady of the house and not my wife.
The babe I can call Mrs Okonkwo and not my baby daddy?
Kai! U neva feel me! Or u think thats too much to ask? The one that on my engagement day will due to formality go on her knees during the dowry payment. Even before she reaches the floor I can stand and pull her up to tell them she is my wife by choice not by payment. The one that sings Olowo Ori Mi* [A special Nigerian chant for the Husband. Shows respect and homage].
She argues with sense and ends every arguement with a food for thought not with a "whateva!"
That talks to me in a subtle way. Never complains or shouts. Never asks for a dime cos she can afford it. Not the one that shouts into my ears every friday to give her money to go and get her hair done and nails fixed. Yet still she can tell me anything. Knows the right way to get anything she wants. A beautiful meal and I am done for: Her genie to please.
The one that spends time to control her kitchen and never asks for a house help. Even when she has one she does the cooking herself. Oversees everything like it was her office! Me I don't want no "Akebaje" * [Spoilt brat]
This guy has it bad for Nigerian babes right? U better go village go pick up babe wey no sabi English. Think say dem still dey do that one for year 2003? U dey craze! Na me be ur slave abi?
All heads turn as I walk into the club...
The one my friends can ask who be that and I can say thats mine. The one they would have approached before she says,
I'm "Oluwatoyin, Soala, Aisha" your friend's girl. Surely God most have spent a day extra on you. HE just wanted to add another level of perfection to the perfected! May HE be praised! Not the one I answer and say thats my "fipa" * [used to rub]

Are all these to much to ask from a respectable lady? From a Nigerian girl here? Surely civilization has rubbed a lot. Does that mean we should lose our values? It took me the right girl to know their worth. So what happened all these while? Why were they hard to find? Are good girls just rare? Was I expecting too much? Or maybe I just wasnt even searching...


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