WHAT A LONELY LIVE
|WHAT A LONELY LIVE|
|A TRUE LIVE STORY OF MR NWACHUKWU
AFTER 15 years of marriage and living together, my wife had a need to travel outside the country for three years.|
What a lonely life!
AFTER 15 years of marriage and living together, my wife had a need to travel outside the country for three years. That was the greatest challenge we would face as a couple, as we have never been separated before. After much debate and strategising, I had to agree for her to go.
That's funny, isn't it? When it is the woman, it will be debated, but when it is the man, it will be mere information. Anyway, there would not have been the need to debate it because her scholarship covers her spouse and three children, which fitted us perfectly. But you see, I love this country so much that I do not see myself staying abroad for three years.
We were in Lagos together the night she was to fly out. The arrival hall of the airport was packed full with Nigerians travelling out with their families. You will wonder whether there is poverty in this country. We chatted heartily until her flight take-off was announced, and the mood changed. While I played the macho man by ensuring that my eyes were dry, my wife was all in tears, "my dear, I do not want to go again" she sobbed. "No way, you must go, you cannot turn back here", I cajoled her. You know women.
By 12 midnight, the plane took off and we were ushered out of the arrival hall. I stepped out of the airport and for the first time in my life, my world caved in. I just stood outside, transfixed and not knowing what to do next or where to go. I felt so empty and hollow. I was lost in thought but thinking about nothing in particular. It was when one croaky voice screamed 'oga, drop!' that I came to life. "So how much will you take to drop me at Yaba' 'Oga na 5K". "You must be a rogue" I did not say it to his hearing o. Who wants a fight with a tout.
It was when I finally got back to the east, that I realised that wives are special human beings. You really do not value what you have until you lose it. Not that I did not value my wife, but to now realise the magnitude of what she copes with each day was something else. I had to cater for a seven-year old daughter and I determined that I would treat her very well that she will not miss her mother's absence.
In the morning I will fry egg for her, in the evening, I will fry yam with egg. Could you imagine my shock on the third day when my daughter said: "Fry fry daddy, you only know how to fry. Cook real soup let's see". I did not know whether to cry or laugh or even spank her. Well, I tried my best but my best could not better mummy's own, so I had to send her to be with mummy.
It has been a re-learning experience for me. I can cook but I do not enjoy cooking. God bless the person who invented bread. Without it, I would have been a dead man today. I eat it in the morning, eat lunch out, and bread in the night. The only problem is that when you go to toilet, you will almost die of constipation, but do I have a choice? What of washing of plates? I usually do boys scout system, "eat and shine."
Thank God that the kids are not around to see daddy's bad behaviour. But how come women do these things effortlessly? Mother nature has taught them, isn't it? The last time I washed my under-wears was 15 years ago. I did not realise it was such a tough job. But anyone that gives me problem goes down the drain. But if my wife was doing that, we would spend our salary replacing under-wears.
Of course the greatest challenge I have been faced with has been that of loneliness. I never knew that loneliness could drive you crazy. No wonder many prisoners go crazy while in jail. How about friends and relations keeping you company? In this jet age, nobody has the time for such niceties. At best you meet at work and socialise, but you still come back to your lonely home. No matter the level of friendship, no company can be like that of your wife, especially when you are in love with her.
What I dread most is weekends. Sometimes it will be so lonely that you will pray that at least somebody will mistakenly knock at your door. I had thought that being an active tennis player, I will spend my evenings at the tennis court playing. The truth is that the pain of not having my wife around has even drained the desire to play tennis. After playing so hard at the court, no soul to welcome you home, no good food to eat. I had better stay at home, the motivation is not just there.
How have I coped emotionally as a man? This has been the toughest one. To suddenly cut off from 15 years of conjugal relationship has not been easy, but then the solution is not to look outside. I made a vow of marital chastity with my wife on our wedding day which I cannot break, moreover, adultery is a sin that I cannot commit at this age of my life. What I did not do as a bachelor, when I was not responsible to anyone, I cannot do it now. Yet, I will not tell you that it has been an easy experience.
I have been severally tempted almost to a breaking point, but God has always given me the grace to say "no". One thing I have learnt is that after a while, your body adjusts to not craving for sex, and then the temptation lessens. When my wife eventually comes back, I will give her a trophy for being a virtuous woman. But if you are married, do not wait till your wife travels before you begin to appreciate her.