A female clerk sees her boss pants unzipped she said Sir ur garage door is open.
Boss: can u see my Ferrari?
Clerk: No, I see a small scooter with 2 flat tyres!
David Beckham was driving his Ferrari around when he almost crashed into a truck. The trucker got out and went up to David and started shouting at him. David said "Yeah,yeah can I just go now?" The trucker marked out a circle and said to him "I need to get something out my truck don't go out of the circle till I get back"
He went to his truck and came back with a sledge hammer he walked up to David's car and smashed the windscreen. He turned around and David started laughing. So he got a stake and popped the tires. David started laughing harder. He poured lighter fluid on the car and set it alight. David was peeing himself!
The trucker said to him "What are you doing? I've just f**ked up your Ferrari."
And David said "I know.... but each time you turn around I jump out the circle!"
Bill Gates dies, at the gates of heaven and h*ll, the Angel tells him 'since you were the richest man in the world in your time you have been given a previledge to check out both heaven and h*ll and then choose the one you wanna stay in forever'.
Bill is first taken to h*ll... much to his amazement the place is bubbling and really happening... night clubs, naked babes, finest casinos and all the works... then he is taken to heaven, nothing so great about it, people just living thier lives being good and all.
He is finally asked where would you wanna go? He thinks for a minute and says he prefers h*ll... but much to his shock he was dumped in the h*ll we all hear of... the h*ll fire, punishment, screams of agony..... Bill started to scream out 'but this was not what i saw when i came the first time..' and the angel replied 'what you saw earlier was the screen saver".
An old Arab man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted
to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only
son,Abdul, who used to help him, was being held by the FBI for aiding
and abetting terrorists. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament.
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't
able able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too
old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden,that's
where I buried the biological weapons.
At 4a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local
police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any
weapons. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the
old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best
I could do under the circumstances!
A Dr tells joe that he has 2 weeks to live,joe thinks for a minute and says"right,then i will take one week in july and the other week in september"